This is the World's Finest Tech Jokes, Sayings, Stories, and Other Stuff all about Techies Page

          The following page has a collection of jokes, sayings, stories, and other stuff that techies have said, made, or told stories about.   Here is just some of the stuff...

 

Quotes

"Actors are props with dialogue" - Ramseur {RARams}

"Beat to fit, paint to match" {Kate Bolgrien}

"If force doesn't work, you're not using enough" {Mark Leslie}

"Done is best" {Eric Weston}

"An actor without techies is a naked person standing in the dark trying to emote. A techie without actors is a person with marketable skills." {Mark Leslie}

"And on the first day the lord said. . . . . .LX1, GO! and there was light." {Dan Mills}

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."{Walter Elias Disney}

"EVERY theater company mirrors the muppet show, think about it."{SoundMan9}

"John Wilkes Boothe should have shot an actor. . ." {Matt}

"Love-it, Lock-it, Leave-it, Next. . . ." {Lenny Cowles}

"Let the actors finish it" {Kevin Graham}

"I don't make mistakes, I have unintentional improvisations." (Matt)

"Hmmmm. What would a smart guy do?" (Tom)

"Our techies practice safe sets and Techies do it on cue." (Mandy)

"Work sucks. I'm going to the theatre." {Seth "Tech God" Byers}

"Life's a stage and were constantly changing the scenery." {Kelly "Tech Goddess" Hurst}

"Extras are props that eat. . ." {Terry Thorman}

"Umm, 'scuze me, your techies are showing. . ."{Terry Thorman}

"If we could read minds, we wouldn't need headsets." {Tommy "Eagle1" Kendrick}

"Hey, I forgot my cue sheet, oh well, I'll make it up. I wonder if they'll notice?" {Becca}

"All the girlies say He's pretty white for a Fly Guy." {Jake Siddall}

"If I wanted to have people tell me what to do, I would have become an actor." {Rob Hudd}

 

"All the world is a stage...

. . .and I've got stagefright!"{ptsa@tartarus.uwa.edu.au (Paul Tsang)}

. . .but where would they be without the stagecrew." {Dan}

. . .but where do the techies go?" {Matt}

. . .and I'm leaving on the next one." {Peter Jago}

. . .so where does the audience sit?" {Danpsull}

 

"Techies are those people least appreciated, most abused, hardest working, in the entire history of the theater."

In my school, the tech crew is also renowned for jokes (never never during a performance, just rehearsals) such as real scotch instead of iced tea, a pigeon in a mailbox(a personal favorite!), etc.

Any techie that walks on a backdrop is promptly hung from a flybar with nothing on but the back drop he or she ruined. Obviously very few people will ever ruin a backdrop twice!

{SoulHntr}

"We screw for money." (Set Crew)

"The lights are on, but no one's home." (Light Crew)

{Matt}

 

Quiz

Pick Two,You can have it:

  1. Done Well
  2. Done Cheap
  3. Done Fast
  • Answer: # 2, & 3 {Eric Weston}

 

 

The 5 P's

  1. Prior
  2. Planning
  3. Prevents
  4. Poor
  5. Performance

{SoundMan9}

 

 

Lord grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to hide the bodies of those actors I had to kill because they pissed me off.

A Poem

We, the unwilling,
led by the unknowing,
have been doing the impossible
for the ungrateful.
We've done so much for so long,
we are now qualified to everything
with nothing.

Chanler Childs

Techie dic•tion•ar•y

Definition of Stage Manager-

  • The person who rarely gets credit when everything goes RIGHT. {Meredithjl}
  • Rebels without applause. {srdonner}

Definition of Techie-

Techie, tek'e, n. 1. A person or persons who perform duties related to the running of technical aspects of theatrical and various other performance-oriented entertainment and who at times feel the need to distract performers by playing pranks during the running of the show thus taking the level of professionalism out of the craft and therefore earning the title "Techie".  {Al Fitch} 2. Person skilled in one or more of the following aspects of a show: scenery, properties, lighting, sound, playing pranks, messing up. works insanely long and unsafe hours. has a main food supply of caffeine and sugar, sometimes is lucky enough to be able to eat fast food during a 2-5 minute break...Only happens about once a week. Never makes mistakes that anyone can notice. Lives by the motto: Squeeze to fit, Paint to match. {Joseph K. Ott}

 


You know you're a Techie when...

...you have a permanent mark above your ears from the headset.
...you wave at little kids from the spot booth.
...you prefer the light board over your girl/boy friend.
...You walk into your home and your parents ask who you are.
...you memorize gel color for fun.
...you are more concerned about the location of your adjustable crescent wrench than you are about your car keys.
...your parents memorize the stage phone number.
...you really believe that wearing all blacks makes you invisible.
...you dress your snowman in black.
...you use glow tape instead of night lights to find your way around your home at night.
...you can tie a bowline know without having to tell the bunny story to do it.
...you start calling the Technical Director Dad.
{Johnny Virgo}

"You're not officially a techie until you hurt yourself building the set." {mentunoctis, Vance High School}

 

 

Conducting instructions:

  1. Wave stick until music stops, turn around and take bow.

And they can't get that right!

{Mark Leslie}

Theatre Terms

In is down, down is front
Out is up, up is back
Off is out, on is in,
And of course,
Right is left, left is right.
A drop shouldn't and a
Block and fall does neither.
A prop doesn't and
A cove has no water.
Tripping is OK.
A running crew rarely gets anywhere.
A purchase line will buy you nothing.
A trap will not catch anything.
A gridiron has nothing to do with football.
Strike is work. (In fact, lots of work)
And a green room, thank God, usually isn't.
Now that you're fully versed in theatrical terms,
Break a leg-but not really!

{Mark Leslie}

A Poem from Behind the Curtain

And lo' we the tech's build the set and hang the lights and cue the sound and fly the drapes and build a wonderful show. And lo' the actor show up misses his cue falls on the set stands out of light say's the wrong line and trips into the new scrim. And we think what a wonderful show except for the annoying* actor.

*This word is edited from the poems original version because I don't want to scare the little people.

{Dale Webb}

Fortune Cookies

At the pre-show, Chinese carry-out dinner is order and everyone says their fortune aloud and immediately adds the word "backstage." {John Kaluts}

More Food Stories. . . How about when some poor unwitting soul eats the food props and then has to go find a doughnuts in Yosemite Valley with only 15 minutes to showtime? {Duane}

Traditions

During my five years as an active member, the following traditions and/or superstitions developed:

{Colleen Desmod}

Herndon High School's Traditions

"My school's tradition is to have all techs wear duct tape on their left shoulder for good luck. That, and the stage manager wears black underwear." {Kerri, Herndon High School's Awesome Stage Manager for the 97-98 school year!}

 

"Break a leg!"

Where did the phase "Break a leg" come from?

Evidently, in the days of early vaudeville, the producers would book more performers than could possibly perform in the given time of the show - since "bad" acts could be pulled before their completion... so, in order to insure that the show didn't start paying people who don't actually perform, there was a general policy that a performer did NOT get paid unless they actually performed on-stage. So the phrase "break a leg" referred to breaking the visual plane of the legs that lined the side of the stage. I.E. "Hope you break a leg and get on-stage so that you get paid." {Josh Pritchard}

Or Maybe...

In the old days, actors were always told to "Break a Legend", meaning to do even better than performers before them. It ended up being shortened to "Break a leg". {Leslie Sidley}


Another Theory why Techies are God.

Some actors claim that technicians arn't important.  They may use the example from ancient greek theatre--"Did they have lights back then?"  The answer is simply "Yes. And who supplied them with light?  God." {Matt}

God, grant me the serenity to accept the CUES I cannot change,
Courage to change the cues I can,
And Wisdom not to strange the idiot that F**'d it up! {Shelli Aderman}

 

Top 10 Places to Put the Children in The King and I:

  • 10-Fly them in, who cares about blocking?
  • 9-Let them stay with the REAL actors. . .(if there are any around)
  • 8-Place them in a neat and tidy pile on stage left.
  • 7-Tied and gagged somewhere where they won't be in the way. . .
  • 6-Anyplace but the theater.
  • 5-A small, sound-proof, wooden box in the pit with tiny holes.
  • 4-Under the weight carriages, they will help to make a soft landing when you fly something out too fast.
  • 3-That one place on stage right with the yellow tape around it saying "caution". . .
  • 2-Behind the pin rail, under the extra hemp (If you don't have a pinrail, the grid can serve as a equally satisfying place).
  • 1-Order "Just Add Water Children" from Rosco, capsule size, just add water, and INSTANT CHILD!!

{Andy Darr}

10 Most Important Things at the Eagle Institute of Performing Arts (for Techies)

  • 10. Velcro ("Where are we going to put the run-sheet?" "Oh, on the wall.")
  • 9. Gaffer's Tape (You ALWAYS need tape, it seems)
  • 8. Duct Tape (see above)
  • 7. Velcro ("The run-sheet fell down again! And I need somewhere to put this tape dispenser!")
  • 6. Highly Caffeinated Soda (can't fall asleep can you?)
  • 5. A Headset (every Techie can dream, can't they?)
  • 4. Flashlight (seems like they're ALWAYS left in the dark, doesn't it?)
  • 3. Easily Accesible Bathroom before the show (You don't want disgruntled Techies! Trust me, you just don't...)
  • 2. Snacks (Well, I know I wouldn't mind having some chips or something backstage...)
  • 1. Velcro ("AH! I need more Velcro! The tape tore the edges of the run-sheet and the Props Guy is tired of holding the tape dispenser! Where am I going
    to put my flashlight?")

{Adam R. Daniels}

Q & A

Q: How many Lighting Techs does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, if it was working once, they know better than to mess with it.

{Panther (panthrr@ix.netcom.com)}

Q: What is black and crispy and hangs from the grid.

A: An actor change a "light bulb."

{Kaleena}

"Cheesy"

Ever since our set for "First Monday in October" was described as "cheesy" by a critic from an Austin newspaper, we have had a mouse on the set of every production. Also, a "cheesy" name appears in the program as a member of the set construction crew. These range from "Dick Fromage" to "Arnie Stilton", and a different one appears for every show.
(Ronni Biggs, Sam Bass Community Theater, Round Rock, TX)

Other Techie Stuff

This quotes were taken from different stagecraft newsgroups and other sources such as my readers.  The names are of the author of the passage and the attached email address were inuse when the passage was posted and may not be inuse today.  If you plan on distributing these passages though email or/and on the web please include the authors name and my web site address. Thank you for visiting and please come again.

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